All About Me(gan), at random

• My go-to dance move is the running man; it always has been.
• I procrastinate like it is nobody's business and am disturbingly good at coming up with excuses.
• I feel, with great certainty, that I am probably going to burn in hell for taking advantage of the trusting nature of various university professors I had in order to avoid getting penalized when handing in late assignments.
• I have a pierced tongue (circa 2000).
• I can play the flute.
• I speak French fluently (or at least I used to and still pretend I can)
• Though I keep my bedroom somewhat messy, I alphabetize my DVDs and get fidgety if they are out of order.
• I have a 1974 Westfalia Volkswagen Weekend Camper.
• I have a predisposition to plumber bum due to several generations of sewer contractors on my father's side.
• I eat a disgustingly large amount of spinach because I secretly dream of becoming Popeye
• I named one of my dogs after a TV character and now feel more than a little embarrassed/self-conscious whenever I tell people his name. As a result of this, I have simply taken to calling him "Dog"...
• I am was an English major who has, but still have no grasp of proper grammar, even though I kicked my grammar class's ass when I went back to college. 
• I really became an English major so that I could learn big words and sound smart.
• In my four years of university, I did not learn any big words and, if possible, became even less articulate. Also, my English professors encouraged using the "right word, not the big word." 
• I drool while I'm asleep... a lot...
• I drool while I'm awake... a lot...
• Sparkly pens make me happy.
• I once had have the ability to sleep over twenty-four hours in a row
• I do not like it when people wear socks with sandals, this is doubled if they are wearing thongs (the underwear, not the sandals)
• I once drove by a Sobey's and saw a couple who had been having sex in the parking lot for over two hours. I honked at them and gave them the thumbs-up. I do not think they appreciated this as they were gone by the time I came out of the store.
• When I was 7, I wanted to be a comedienne. Now I just want to continue to be employed.
• Some people don't like my crotch.. actually, that's part of a song by Peaches and Iggy Pop. I just thought it would be funny to say that. I've never actually surveyed anyone about their opinion of my crotch, but if I do I will let you know.
• I once worked at a diner that was started in 1930, and I would sing as loudly as I could while working in the kitchen. I would also randomly take off my pants. I can't really explain why.
• I can do ten shots of vodka in a row without even feeling it.. I don't know if I'm bragging about that, or saying it shamefully
• I don't like moose, they are big and they scare me. I also find them to be incredibly egotistical.
• I was once bitten by a mallard duck. 
• I once attended a university English class beyond hungover and, when the teacher came to me with a question, I waved her off.
• I once peed in a plastic cup to prove to my friend that my urine is cloudy. It was not much (I have performance problems) and I felt dirty afterwards. My friends did it too so that I would not feel alone, then they kept the urine in a fridge for several days. I judged them for peeing in a cup.
• I still start to feel sick whenever I think about that (which is, thankfully, not that often)
• Once my sister dared me to use Nair on my eyebrows... and I did and would again.
• I once bought a home pregnancy test because I was bored. When I was leaving the store it caused the alarm to go off. A clerk came over and told me that it was probably my 'medicine'. I had no clue what he was talking about. I also worry about what kind of medicine he takes, clearly taking a pregnancy test is not going to 'clear' my pregnancy up...
• In kindergarten, my teacher, Mrs. Osbourne, used to tell me that I talked too much. She drove this point home by taking out her acoustic guitar and singing a song called, shockingly enough, "You Talk too Much" (by Joe Jones).
• I have had enough underwear to last me a year, without washing them once. Now I have a dog who likes to eat my underwear. I have way fewer pairs presently.
• I once saw Ellen Degeneres on tour. I laughed so hard that I wet myself (almost)
• I just noticed that I talk about urine a lot. I don't know what that says about me.
• My doctor thinks I have an angelic face and makes excuses to see me.
• After I had my very first physical, he called me into his office a few days later. I thought he was going to tell me I was dying, but really he just wanted to see me before I went away to school again.
• I own a unicycle
• I think I could be good with a unicycle, but the tire on it is flat and my father hung it up on a wall that is too high for me to reach.
• I like big butts (and I cannot lie).
• I frequently make typos, while writing e-mails after I've just woken-up, that completely change the context of the whole e-mail.
• I still use my fingers whenever I need to do multiplication that involves the number 9.
• I've ridden a camel......... at the zoo
• I have this theory that if I wear the proper pair of days-of-the-week underwear, that actually matches what day it is, I will excel at everything I do that day.
• For some reason I still have faith in that theory, even though I've failed numerous tests while adhering to it...
• Old men like to hit on me, while guys my own age - not so much...
• I talk to myself. Out loud. In front of other people.
• I once stuck a piece of gum on a tree in the shape of an 'M'.. It stayed there for 7 years.
• I get nervous when I call someone for the first time
• I frequently get other people to do my calling for me because of that.
• I cannot watch programs about the end of the world, otherwise I am afraid for weeks that my appliances will turn against me.
• After someone I know dies, I feel uncomfortable being naked because I worry that, if there is an after-life, they are watching me
• In the movie Dogma, Chris Rock said that the dead pretty much just sit around and watch the living. It made me feel like my whole naked-fear was justified.
• I have a fear of bigfoot, even though everyone I know tells me that bigfoot does not exist. How can they be sure? Bigfoot is the ultimate hide-and-seeker.
• I once woke-up in the middle of a baseball field without a shirt on. Why? I wish I could tell you, but to this day I am not entirely able to recall the events that lead up to my shirtless morning.
• I cannot do the splits.