All About Me(gan), at random

- My go-to dance move is the running man; it always has been.
- I procrastinate like it is nobody's business and am disturbingly good at coming up with excuses
- I feel, with great certainty, that I am probably going to burn in hell for taking advantage of the trusting nature of various university professors in order to avoid getting penalized when handing in late assignments.
- I have a pierced tongue (circa 2000)
- I can play the flute
- I speak French fluently (or at least I used to and still pretend I can)
- Though I keep my bedroom somewhat messy, I alphabetize my DVD's and get fidgety if they are out of order
- I have a 1974 Westfalia Volkswagen Weekend Camper
- I own a karaoke machine and enjoy singing to myself while imbibing large quantities of liquor
- I have a predisposition to plumber bum due to several generations of sewer contractors on my father's side
- I eat a disgustingly large amount of spinach because I secretly dream of becoming Popeye
- I named my dog after a TV character and now feel more than a little embarrassed/self-conscious whenever I tell people his name. As a result of this, I have simply taken to calling him "Dog"...
- I am was an English major who has, but still have no grasp of proper grammar
- I really became an English major so that I could learn big words and sound smart
- In my four years of university, I did not learn any big words and, if possible, became even less articulate
- I drool while I'm asleep... a lot...
- I drool while I'm awake... a lot...
- Sparkly pens make me happy
- I have the ability to sleep over twenty-four hours in a row
- I do not like it when people wear socks with sandals, this is doubled if they are wearing thongs (the underwear, not the sandals)
- I once drove by a Sobey's and saw a couple who had been having sex in the parking lot for over two hours. I honked at them and gave them the thumbs-up. I do not think they appreciated this as they were gone by the time I came out of the store.
- When I was 7 I wanted to be a comedienne. Now I would just like to be employed.
- Some people don't like my crotch.. actually, that's part of a song by Peaches and Iggy Pop. I just thought it would be funny to say that. I've never actually surveyed anyone about their opinion of my crotch, but if I do I will let you know.
- I once worked at a diner that was started in 1930, and I would sing as loudly as I could while working in the kitchen. I would also randomly take off my pants. I can't really explain why.
- I can do ten shots of vodka in a row without even feeling it.. I don't know if I'm bragging about that, or saying it shamefully
- I don't like moose, they are big and they scare me. I also find them to be incredibly egotistical.
- One night outside of my residence building, I randomly saw a pair of mallard ducks. At first I was excited because they kept coming closer and closer to me. I thought we were friends. Eventually they began to waddle away from me, and I was left with a feeling of contentment for the 'moment' we'd shared. That lasted until the male duck ran back and bit me in the leg. It bruised. I felt used.
- I once attended a university English class beyond hungover and when the teacher came to me with a question I waved her off
- I once peed in a plastic cup to prove to my friend that my urine is cloudy. It was not much (I have performance problems) and I felt dirty afterwards. My friends did it too so that I would not feel alone, then they kept the urine in a fridge for several days. I judged them for peeing in a cup.
- I still start to feel sick whenever I think about that (which is, thankfully, not that often)
- Once my sister dared me to use Nair on my eyebrows... and I did..
- I once bought a home pregnancy test because I was bored. When I was leaving the store it caused the alarm to go off. A clerk came over and told me that it was probably my 'medicine'. I had no clue what he was talking about. I also worry about what kind of medicine he takes, clearly taking a pregnancy test is not going to 'clear' my pregnancy up...
- In kindergarten, my teacher, Mrs. Osbourne, used to tell me that I talked too much. She drove this point home by taking out her acoustic guitar and singing a song called, shockingly enough, "You Talk too Much" (by Joe Jones).
- I have enough underwear to last me a year, without washing them once.
- I once saw Ellen Degeneres on tour. I laughed so hard that I wet myself (almost)
- I just noticed that I talk about urine a lot. I don't know what that says about me.
- My doctor thinks I have an angelic face and makes excuses to see me
- After I had my very first physical, he called me into his office a few days later. I thought he was going to tell me I was dying, but really he just wanted to see me before I went away to school again.
- I own a unicycle
- I think I could be good with a unicycle, but the tire on it is flat and my father hung it up on a wall that is too high for me to reach.
- I like big butts (and I cannot lie)
- I frequently make typos, while writing e-mails after I've just woken-up, that completely change the context of the whole e-mail
- I still use my fingers whenever I need to do multiplication that involves the number 9
- I've ridden a camel......... at the zoo
- I have this theory that if I wear the proper pair of days-of-the-week underwear, that actually matches what day it is, I will excel at everything I do that day.
- For some reason I still have faith in that theory, even though I've failed numerous tests while adhering to it...
- Old men like to hit on me, while guys my own age - not so much...
- I talk to myself. Out loud. In front of other people.
- I once stuck a piece of gum on a tree in the shape of an 'M'.. It stayed there for 7 years.
- I get nervous when I call someone for the first time
- I frequently get other people to do my calling for me because of that
- I cannot watch programs about the end of the world, otherwise I am afraid for weeks that my appliances will turn against me.
- After someone I know dies I feel uncomfortable being naked because I worry that, if there is an after-life, they are watching me
- In the movie Dogma, Chris Rock said that the dead pretty much just sit around and watch the living. It made me feel like my whole naked-fear was justified.
- I have an electric toothbrush and it is awesome
- I have a fear of bigfoot, even though everyone I know tells me that bigfoot does not exist. How can they be sure?
- I once woke-up in the middle of a baseball field without a shirt on. Why? I wish I could tell you, but to this day I am not entirely able to recall the events that lead up to my shirtless morning.
- I cannot do the splits.